Inmates seem to have a knack for meeting women. They have a network of friends, family members, and fellow inmates who apparently think an inmate is the best potential mate for their single girlfriends. What’s even worse is that many of the women actually fall for these guys.
Usually the women who get into relationships with inmates are of the desperate variety. They are typically fat, ugly, dumb, or all of the above. I kind of understand the fat and ugly ones since they might have a hard time finding a good man. The more confusing type is the attractive woman. She could find just about any kind of man she wants, and it doesn’t really matter what type of person she is. She could end up with a man that treats her well, holds down a job, doesn’t beat her, and isn’t going to be ‘away’ for years at a time. Yet she still goes for the inmate. I guess that brings us back to the dumb type.
As a result, we have some inmates who are prison Casanovas. Some of them manage to get a new girlfriend every couple of weeks. These guys aren’t looking for love though. They just want favors, attention, and money deposited to their prison accounts, which we call books.
Take Inmate Robert Lobo for example. He’s nearly famous within the prison for his god-like playa abilities.
We have the ability to listen in on the inmate’s phone calls and one night I listened in on a chat between Lobo and his current girlfriend. She was one of those ‘but she has a pretty face’ type of girls. I’d seen her once in Visiting. She probably could have found a regular guy but I think a low self-esteem due to her weight problem drove her to seek forbidden inmate love.
I could see Inmate Lobo from my vantage point in the control room. He had his back to the payphone and seemed to be trying to let everyone know that he was on the phone with his ‘lady’. He held the phone next to his ear with his shoulder so he could have his hands free to gesture while he talked:
Robert: “Hey baby, could you put $100 on my books? I need some new shoes and I can’t afford them making sixty-five cents an hour.�
Girlfriend: “What! You don’t have any shoes? How could they let you go around without shoes?�
Robert: “I’ve got shoes baby, but they are worn out. My toes are sticking out of them. I didn’t want to bother you with this, but it’s been pretty cold lately…�
Girlfriend: “I can’t believe those bastards won’t take care of you! Don’t worry, I’ll send the money in.�
Robert: “Baby, you’re the best! I love you so much… [Cue phone sex]�
His girlfriend was so angry at the prison for not giving her poor boyfriend shoes that she sent a letter asking us why we were such cruel bastards. My Captain asked me to address her concerns, so I wrote a letter informing her, “Not only does he have the pair of free shoes the State gave him, but he also has a pair of work boots, and a pair of nice $80 running shoes (The most expensive kind they can buy). They all look like new.�
She stopped calling and visiting after that, but Inmate Lobo didn’t let that slow him down. He had Girlfriend2 on his list a few days later. She was ugly. Not fat, but ‘bag over the head’ ugly. She was rude too. She made it clear to me that as far as she was concerned cops and CO’s were the spawn of Satan.
While working in the visiting area during one of his visits with Girlfriend2 I overheard this exchange:
Robert: “Hey baby, can you buy me some new tires for my car? The old ones were stolen. I’m getting out in a few months and I need my car to get to work.�
Girlfriend2: “Ummmm, ok. How am I supposed to get tires put on your car? Do you want me to do it?�
Robert: “No baby, I’ll take care of it. Just put $400 on my books and I’ll buy them when I get out.�
Girlfriend2: “Oh, ok! That makes it easy. I’ll do it tomorrow.�
Robert: “Oh baby, you are the best! I love you so much… [Cue dirty talk]�
For some reason that conversation didn’t sit right with me, so a few days later I asked Inmate Lobo’s mother about his car when she came in for a visit:
Me: “Mrs. Lobo, I heard Robert saying that he was having problems with his car.�
Mrs. Lobo: “Robert doesn’t have a car anymore. He sold it to buy drugs or something.�
To top it off I found that Lobo wasn’t getting out for a couple of years. I decided to confront him after his visit:
Me: “You sure have a lot of girlfriends, Lobo.�
Robert: “Hell yeah! They can’t get enough of me. What can I say? I’m a playa’!�
Me: “You’ve got that right! I’ve noticed that they put a lot of money on your books. How do you do it?�
Robert: “I’ve earned that shit! I have to sit and listen to their stupid-ass bitching all day. If they don’t pay, they don’t play.�
Me: “Well, that isn’t cool. At least they come in to see you. Don’t you think they deserve some respect?�
Robert: “Hell no! I don’t give bitches respect. I just get what I need from them and move on. Besides, I’ve always got another one waiting on the side.�
A few days later while talking to Mrs. Lobo I found out that Girlfriend2 had left her son. I guess she finally caught on to his games. I really didn’t feel too bad for her getting played but I wasn’t sad to see her wise up either. I hate it when the inmates get away with their schemes.
About a week later I saw a visiting application for Inmate Lobo’s newest girlfriend. A picture of her ID was attached and from what I could see she seemed like an attractive girl. “It must be a dumb one�, I thought. I just wish I could have thrown it in the trash.
